Call off the search.

I no longer have a spiritual practice. I woke when it became apparent there was no one to wake up. There is no 'me' to take credit for this. It just happened. I give credit for the 'awakening' to Swami Premananda, who was my teacher.

Consider this. The teacher does not exist as a separate entity because if there is no me, there can be no him or you and no teacher to show the way. There is nobody to be lost in the first place.

Could it be?

Everything is within you, including yourself.

Has anything changed in my life? No. I'm still the same asshole I ever was. But now I'm an asshole who is also the sun and the moon and the rain and the sound of dogs barking and paper rustling.

I could have a spiritual practice to try and perfect this experience of being 'Paul', but putting so much effort into polishing one momentary wave on the infinite ocean of being is not something I'm drawn to. Maybe I will tomorrow. Perhaps I won't. If I do, it will not be a decision made by 'me' but will just happen. It doesn't matter. It only matters as much as the imaginary 'me' thinks it does, and then the wave subsides back into nothing, and then you and me and the sun and the moon and the rain and the sound of dogs barking and paper rustling disappear into nothing.

But our disappearance is witnessed by that which does not disappear because there is nowhere we can go other than that. And then even the witness, without anything left to witness, also subsides.

Until another wave breaks the surface.

And when the time is right, the teacher reappears, smiling and waving.